Simon Brace Dishes Out Advice On False Penises

Almost to confirm Simon's new penis fascination, he says this:

Oh, another thing..
have you got a fake willy?
Could come in handy!
I saw a few months ago, how some sports
person, had been caught using a prosthetic
willy. Yeah! It was connected to some kind
of bag, with urine in it, and he ... well, not
sure how it worked!
But i'm sure you could succeed where he
failed - I think he'd got away with it before
previously.
Maybe you could use a sausage - or a BIG
salami?
Something like that?
Tell 'em you're a little shy, if they wanna see
'everything'.
Poke a straw through the middle, and...well,
bob's ya uncle! :-)

Uh, okay.